The Art of Falling In Love
"THE ART OF FALLING IN LOVE"
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| " Loving you is the most beautiful thing that ever happened in my life" |
What is true love? Do I have one? Why do people believed about destiny? Are soul mates really meant for each other? If there is true love, why people fall in love and then fall out of love easily?
Decades after decades, these questions are piled up as cliches in our lives as part of our natural existence in this mortal world. Love, according to historians took a lot of forms and variations depending on its era.
Today, we are on the verge of extreme technological advancement. Everything is fast paced, from education, entertainment, politics, environment, religion, and even to our culture and traditions.
As an educator and a single woman at the age of 36, I was asked by my students:
"Ma'am do you have a boyfriend? Who is the luckiest guy? "
And of course, I answered them humbly, " I do not have a boyfriend ever since in my single life. " I thought I ended their questions very well because it seemed like I answered the question very honest, at the top of my lungs with matching visible wide smile. But, I was very wrong. From that point, innumerable questions run through. As if I was in a crime scene with these clever investigators, trying to look into my loop holes and the poor me was trying to justify herself for the biggest crime that she had committed!
If only I have the choice... If I can turn back the time... If I have the power to change my destiny...I would have been the happiest, perfect, complete living specie in the entire universe. I would have been...
Then, amidst of my day dreaming, one brave soul in my Social Science class stood up.
" Maam, you are very impossible! Have you not been in love? You are pretty, smart, talented, good teacher. You are very successful, but why no boyfriend? He gave his questions to me like it was a spear which hit on my heart."
I could not believe that a student like him saw the best potential in me that I never saw in myself. All my life, I was brought up to always chase my dreams and help my family. Always be a responsible citizen and give honor to one's country. Always be a good sister in the community to share what you got- be it your talent or skills. Always bring the right virtues to light up the world. It made me asked them, " Am I not giving love to myself, my community, and family? I thought I had given so much class." Everybody shook their heads, saying the dreadful NO! Then, I fainted. Water, please!
After, a few minutes. I told them the story that they really wanted to hear from me. The explanations and other stuffs. So, I started it by saying: " How many of you here, believe in soul mate?" I saw, very few hands raising. I continued. You know class, to answer your question about my "being no boyfriend ever since" in life could be directly addressed to my dreams in life. When I was a kid, I was a lover of reading romance novels, of fairy tales, and of magic beyond words. So, from that childish dream, I jotted down the qualities of my partners and the qualities of circumstances. I always believe that every great love story must start by finding your one true soulmate, your "The One", your Perfect Match. I had crushes of course, but as I came to know the deeply, I marked my checklist with big X's whenever they could not pass the criteria. It went all years along. Now, if you wondered what I usually do during the love seasons? Of course, I enjoyed it lovingly. I simply wrote many love notes to my special someone, though he does not have a name yet. Until such time, I come to fall in love with this unknown man in the Universe. I am contented on that way.
When I reached my 34th year, I decided to at least try establishing a relationship. Well, ironically its not really a real one. Are you familiar with Online Dating? Yes! I tried that...This was the idea of my sisters..Perhaps they are worried about me. I never brought a man in our house, and mostly are women. Hey, I am not a lesbian. I love men, really. I just do not have the right eye for my Perfect Match. God sometimes test our limits. First time in my life, I met this guy! Oh, my goodness! I never thought he would surprised me to visit in my family's home. I was really, really, out balance. " What should I do? How should I tell my father? My siblings? My mother?" A big and horrible challenge was on my way then.
To cut it short, I was never alone. I was guarded by my family whenever he was around. Until one moment, we decided to part ways. We did not suit each others standards. He was the handsome, happy-go-lucky traveler, who wants to enjoy life and come whatever may happen in life. No plans. And me was the type of a woman who wants security and long term plans. That was the ending. We set our selves free. He was very happy now and was married to a woman of his life. It amazed me of his decision in life. I am very happy that he become the best responsible man that I ever envisioned for him, no matter what it take. At first, he blamed me, for letting him go. But I knew, deep inside my heart, he belongs to someone else.
What happened to me after? I just followed the success trail. I did what I needed to do in life. Still, writing and hoping that someone along the way, there is this perfect one for me. Someone who will cherish, love, and respect me regardless of how different or how opposite our values might be. I do not just fall in love, because when I do, it has the possibility that I might fall out of love too. I do not wish to undergo the stage of limerence affair.
I want to love and be loved. An emotional state that you can instinctively feel that God has chosen an individual to meet me along the path. Loving someone does not require long investment of time to finally know that he or she is your The One. Loving someone is a decision to see the person's potential to be your lifetime partner. Loving someone is putting God at the center.
Since, every one of us have this varied love language, mine focuses on time and act of service. When a man have this, I know that he is my Perfect One! I believe, that somehow, somewhere, one day, he will come for me- My One True Love.
"Ma'am do you have a boyfriend? Who is the luckiest guy? "
And of course, I answered them humbly, " I do not have a boyfriend ever since in my single life. " I thought I ended their questions very well because it seemed like I answered the question very honest, at the top of my lungs with matching visible wide smile. But, I was very wrong. From that point, innumerable questions run through. As if I was in a crime scene with these clever investigators, trying to look into my loop holes and the poor me was trying to justify herself for the biggest crime that she had committed!
If only I have the choice... If I can turn back the time... If I have the power to change my destiny...I would have been the happiest, perfect, complete living specie in the entire universe. I would have been...
Then, amidst of my day dreaming, one brave soul in my Social Science class stood up.
" Maam, you are very impossible! Have you not been in love? You are pretty, smart, talented, good teacher. You are very successful, but why no boyfriend? He gave his questions to me like it was a spear which hit on my heart."
I could not believe that a student like him saw the best potential in me that I never saw in myself. All my life, I was brought up to always chase my dreams and help my family. Always be a responsible citizen and give honor to one's country. Always be a good sister in the community to share what you got- be it your talent or skills. Always bring the right virtues to light up the world. It made me asked them, " Am I not giving love to myself, my community, and family? I thought I had given so much class." Everybody shook their heads, saying the dreadful NO! Then, I fainted. Water, please!
After, a few minutes. I told them the story that they really wanted to hear from me. The explanations and other stuffs. So, I started it by saying: " How many of you here, believe in soul mate?" I saw, very few hands raising. I continued. You know class, to answer your question about my "being no boyfriend ever since" in life could be directly addressed to my dreams in life. When I was a kid, I was a lover of reading romance novels, of fairy tales, and of magic beyond words. So, from that childish dream, I jotted down the qualities of my partners and the qualities of circumstances. I always believe that every great love story must start by finding your one true soulmate, your "The One", your Perfect Match. I had crushes of course, but as I came to know the deeply, I marked my checklist with big X's whenever they could not pass the criteria. It went all years along. Now, if you wondered what I usually do during the love seasons? Of course, I enjoyed it lovingly. I simply wrote many love notes to my special someone, though he does not have a name yet. Until such time, I come to fall in love with this unknown man in the Universe. I am contented on that way.
When I reached my 34th year, I decided to at least try establishing a relationship. Well, ironically its not really a real one. Are you familiar with Online Dating? Yes! I tried that...This was the idea of my sisters..Perhaps they are worried about me. I never brought a man in our house, and mostly are women. Hey, I am not a lesbian. I love men, really. I just do not have the right eye for my Perfect Match. God sometimes test our limits. First time in my life, I met this guy! Oh, my goodness! I never thought he would surprised me to visit in my family's home. I was really, really, out balance. " What should I do? How should I tell my father? My siblings? My mother?" A big and horrible challenge was on my way then.
To cut it short, I was never alone. I was guarded by my family whenever he was around. Until one moment, we decided to part ways. We did not suit each others standards. He was the handsome, happy-go-lucky traveler, who wants to enjoy life and come whatever may happen in life. No plans. And me was the type of a woman who wants security and long term plans. That was the ending. We set our selves free. He was very happy now and was married to a woman of his life. It amazed me of his decision in life. I am very happy that he become the best responsible man that I ever envisioned for him, no matter what it take. At first, he blamed me, for letting him go. But I knew, deep inside my heart, he belongs to someone else.
What happened to me after? I just followed the success trail. I did what I needed to do in life. Still, writing and hoping that someone along the way, there is this perfect one for me. Someone who will cherish, love, and respect me regardless of how different or how opposite our values might be. I do not just fall in love, because when I do, it has the possibility that I might fall out of love too. I do not wish to undergo the stage of limerence affair.
I want to love and be loved. An emotional state that you can instinctively feel that God has chosen an individual to meet me along the path. Loving someone does not require long investment of time to finally know that he or she is your The One. Loving someone is a decision to see the person's potential to be your lifetime partner. Loving someone is putting God at the center.
Since, every one of us have this varied love language, mine focuses on time and act of service. When a man have this, I know that he is my Perfect One! I believe, that somehow, somewhere, one day, he will come for me- My One True Love.
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